The Reckoning of Tom12

TOTAL READ TIME: About 15 minutes

It’s Wednesday evening and the air quality outside claims to be “Unhealthy For Sensitive Groups” I find it interesting that I have no idea what that means. Am I in the sensitive group? What are the qualifications? Should I stop smoking weed? Why didn’t they teach me about this in school? (that should really be the name of my next sit-down comedy special)

Speaking of sitting down, it’s Wednesday and even though the air outside isn’t safe to breathe I’m about to create my own safe space online where I hope people leave feeling a little better and breathing a little easier.

Punani Power on #WCW happens LIVE every Wednesday at 8pm PST on my Instagram account. That’s the meat and potatoes show (pls stop eating meat) but I also have a pre-show that I do to get ready for it. That show happens on another app specifically designed for live broadcasting. I’m not going to mention them here because a.) I’m not super fond of it and b.) they are not fucking paying me. But it’s important to understand what it is in order to understand this story and all future stories so let’s get into it a little bit.

Here we are on Wednesday night. I’m doing my preshow for Punani Power, which includes doing my makeup for my main show, listening to an all-female playlist, finding a beat to freestyle to (I have until 8pm), and talking about feminism. About 10 minutes into my show, in comes Tom12.

So I’m putting on my makeup, and without any prompting, introduction, or seemingly any thought whatsoever, Tom 12 types & submits his opening statement: “Don’t put makeup on. You don’t need makeup. You’re naturally beautiful.”

Even as I sit here typing this out the next day I still feel the hot burn in my chest. Unholy shit there is so much to unpack here.

First of all—say fucking “hi”! Digital conversations should have the same etiquette as irl conversations—you do the introductions first and then you get into it. But some people never learned how to be polite irl, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.

[Side note: if you want to watch someone’s live show and you don’t want to be active in the chat, at least say hi and let them know you’re there or else you’re lurking and lurking is not cool—especially in an active show. Don’t a be digital stalker. There’s a protocol.]

SO. Back to it: “Don’t put makeup on. You don’t need makeup. You’re naturally beautiful.”

Let’s break this down individually.

A.) “Don’t put makeup on.” Maybe don’t tell people what to do—especially if that advice was not solicited. I think I can speak for the majority of women when I say we don’t like when people tell us what we’re supposed to do with our own bodies. Especially not on Punani Power on #WCW! I gotta lay this down for the ladies.

B.) “You don’t need makeup.” Hold on. WHAT?! *gasp* Is this true? Unholy shit! I’ve been lied to! I thought being a woman automatically meant I was required to wear makeup! Whatever would even happen if I left my home without perfect red lipstick under my face mask? I shiver to think of a world I would be forced to walk around in without falsies. I shan’t! I won’t give up my eyeliner and you can’t make me stranger! Ugh. Please go read a book. Then read another one. Then you can come back to me and try again.

       B2.) Oh, yeah... there’s more. “You don’t need makeup.” This sentence implies that there are women who do need makeup, and that you are the person determining this? What gives you the power to determine which women do and do not NEED makeup? I don’t wear makeup because I think I need it. I wear it because I fucking want to (and I tend to make more money on my shows when I do—so unless you can solve that problem all on your own, kindly STFU).

C.) “You are naturally beautiful.” What does that mean? Aren’t we all? Random stranger dude, if you came across someone whom you thought was unnaturally beautiful, or naturally unbeautiful, would you be happy with them putting make up on? Would the opening line in that case be, “Please put makeup on. You need makeup. You are naturally hideous”???

       D.) I’m sick and tired of men who think “you don’t need makeup, you’re already beautiful” is some kind of compliment. It isn’t. No one NEEDS makeup, and whether it’s true or not, positioning yourself as the judge of who does and doesn’t “need” makeup makes you look like a fucking douchebag.

I have heard this so many times before and it never ever makes me feel beautiful. It always feels gross. Telling me I’m naturally beautiful seems to be a way to “leave me on a high” after the two previous statements of trying to control me.

Gaslighting is a fatherfucker.

Maybe there’s a misconception that it’s woke to be a dude that is cool with chicks not wearing makeup. It is not. I could simply say “thank you” and move on, but I will not. I will not because I need people to start being better, and I need it now.

In order to feel like you’re “cooler” than other dudes cause you like a girl with natural beauty means you understand that there is a problem. You understand there is a problem but instead of standing with women for the right to present ourselves any way we please you simply choose to stand out from other men as a different tactic to get our attention and hopefully, eventually, fuck us.

It’s super gross. You think your motives aren’t clear, but they are.

I would like to have a conversation with Tom12 about his views on the beauty industry being dominated by overwhelmingly male business owners. I’d like to know if they believe in my theory that men have actually curated and designed the modern woman as a marketing technique to control us. Over decades & centuries, they executed this plan through our media (which they also own and control). They use words like “bitch” to demean anyone who breaks these “rules”, and they use religion to paint a portrait of the “perfect” woman—one who stays home, does all the housework without complaining or getting paid, shuts up, and makes babies.

And of course, wears makeup. Not wearing makeup is a sign that we’ve “given up” on the relationship, and is apparently a license to cheat on us without remorse. Women must have a perfect appearance at all times, and men get to determine if we’re living up to the standard.

Women follow these standards out of a fear of what would happen otherwise. Once we lose the “protection” of the men who seek to own and control us, well... then we get what we “deserve.” We were asking for it. By daring to live any other way than the way men command us to.

Sound fun?

It fucking isn’t. And you know it, too, or you’d have signed up to trade places already. But you won’t. Because you think you’re better than us.

So yeah, Tom12, I fucking know I don’t have to wear makeup. I started wearing lipstick and mascara at 6 years old. I wore barely anything and danced across stages shaking my hips with a big smile on my face entertaining people who paid money to see me. I wasn’t a baby prostitute—I was in a hula halau in Hawaii. I’ve worn wigs. I’ve had a fade. I don’t shave my pits. I pluck my nipple hair out cause I don’t like it. I currently have a left hand with long black nails and a right hand with short clear nails. I’ve broken beauty standards. I’ve explored gender norms. I’ve been on a journey, & I’m still going.

At the time, I didn’t have the time or energy to effectively communicate all of this to Tom12. I was 10 minutes into 3 hours of streaming and I was not gonna blow my whole load that early. I think I said something along the lines of, “Tom! Not on Punani Power Wednesdays!”

Tom12 stuck around and started to catch the vibe. After about 30/40 minutes they wrote in the chat that they understood my reaction to being told what to do and liked my style.

This is the goal. I want to present myself as an example of an alternative way of living for the modern woman. I also want to challenge people in ways that encourages them to think about what they do and say vs shaming them for being who they are (even “who they are” is just a stereotype built by social conditioning.)

We had a good time. We sang some feminist songs. We danced a little. As I was wrapping up my preshow & prepping for the Instagram Live show, I did a little improv. Some guy named Nate_Got_It_Big popped into the chat and said “You need to be an actor.”

Just as I started getting hot all over, Tom12 popped up into the chat and said “She can be whatever she wants!”

Proud mama over here.

I did my goodbyes, ended the stream and told everyone I’d see them in 30 minutes on Instagram. My IG Live stream was ah-may-zing (they usually are). I have people from all different areas of my life coming in. Some who only know me as a livestreamer and some who’ve held my hair as I puked in a toilet. It’s really fun hosting them all in the same place for the same show. Whether they want to see me rap, freestyle, sing, or preach, I appreciate my audience and they appreciate me. We have a relationship, and in my relationships, I demand respect.

It’s the wild wild west out here in these live stream streets. I’m just a digital philosopher trying to make my way in this strange new world. There’s so much to explore here. There’s so much to build. Let’s get it yall.

I’ll catch you on the other side of the digital divide.