You can’t have epic wins without epic fails
Los Angeles, California
Read Time: Aproximately 4 minutes & 20 seconds.
I find it so fitting that the entire blog post I made listing all of my epic failures literally DIDN’T SAVE! What was the original post? The world may never know. Was it a blessing in disguise? Perhaps. It was rather long could have been more of a self therapy journal session than a blog for DTF. So let’s just stick to the main points this time and hope this one makes it to posting. I’m also saving a draft at the end of every paragraph.
I have failed so many times in my life and some of those times were quite epic. Like having an actual emotional breakdown on a live stream in front of thousands of viewers…for like 30 frikin’ minutes. I beat myself up for this a lot but as I have moved thorough this shame I now feel differently about it. I’m proud of my failures because they teach me amazing life lessons.
Failures are just signs of the areas you need to focus on in order to progress. I left my 500K following, took a break from live streaming, focused on my mental health and launched my first business. Success! This business no longer exists. Fail? Well it was specifically designed to get people to use the digital space to bring them back to physical place and reconnect with humans in real time. We launched 9 months before the first Covid case.
Failing teaches you how to pivot and this is an amazing skill to have in our quickly changing ever expanding world. Knowing when to leave a situation and how to leave it gracefully is honestly something I’m still working on. I’ve left a lot of burnt bridges in my past but is that really a problem if I plan to never cross them or its crossers again? Still - I wish I did a pivot instead of a punt.
My epic fails sometimes still give me tremors this is true but I don’t let them hold me into place or weigh me down. I have learned so much about what I actually believe by saying some dumb shit I thought I believed and having some kind soul lay down the realness. I say kind because back then I wasn’t always so open to feedback. Who is? No one likes to be wrong right? That’s why so many people don’t make a move. People would rather stay in place than make an error that could possibly lead them to the right solution. I know this because I am people! I was this person for a long time and I’m making daily effort to remedy this.
Nothing amazing came out of the first try. Why do you think it’s called WD-40? They failed 39 times before they got it right! I constantly feel like I’m gonna do or say something to people I admire that’s gonna make them think I’m a complete idiot and you know what I’m sure it does happen daily. You know how I’m sure? Because in spite of this fear I fucking put myself out there anyway. I know I fail everyday and I’m so proud.
I’m a multi-cultural, non-binary, gender non-conforming, queer, polyamorous, spiritual-atheist, vegan, leftist who plans on spending my retirement as an unplugged nudist under a tree. I’m not for everyone. I’m not for MOST people in fact and that’s usually okay for me but when it comes to my safety and ability to live a well life - I got grievances about how shit been, is and looks like is likely to go down. I’m going to share these opinions and sometimes they will not come out in the best ways. Sometimes they will come out in the best ways but to the wrong people. They will be considered failures and I will use these experiences as learning lessons to move forward.
So yes…as I venture into this new chapter in this new book in this ongoing series that is my life here in this human experience on earth I will continue to lean into the greatest good I can do here with my time. Will I always get it right? No. Will I fail? Sometimes epically. Will I quit? Never. Too many people in my past who are unknown to me sacrificed too much for me to get here for me not to do the same for future generations.
Catch me failing forward.
I’m gonna meditate now.
Namaste & Aloha nui